Rolling with the Changing Tides: Time to Find a New Normal
One week ago, I wrote about the Coronavirus outbreak and the need for us to have compassion for each other as our world was beginning to shift. How far it would shift was still up in the air (and in many respects, remains to be seen) but only one week later and one in four Americans are confined to their homes, with those numbers growing daily. In the United States and across the world, people have been told to “shelter in place,” a term that basically means do not leave your home unless you are seeking something essential from an essential business or happen to be one of the people who work in said essential businesses.
From my little apartment in New Jersey, I watched as the restrictions slowly began to surface. First, we closed restaurants to dine-in patrons, gyms, entertainment, casinos and schools. Two days later, we closed all salons and tattoo parlors, spas and any personal care service that could not abide by the six-foot social distancing rule. Two days after that, we closed everything except for essential businesses. An actual tweet from the governor of the State of New Jersey: “New Jerseyans can still take a walk outside, go buy groceries, or get take-out from a local restutant. But otherwise, STAY AT HOME.”
Undoubtedly, life has changed.
Interestingly, for an introverted person like myself, being ordered to stay at home isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world. I tend to keep myself relatively occupied. But it’s only been a week since I’ve seen a client in person and I have to admit I miss it so much already. While I was never one for big crowds or lots of social interaction, I did enjoy the interactions I did have, and if an introvert like myself is missing physical human connection this quickly, I have to wonder how on Earth are the extroverts handling this?
I’ve seen the creative ways people have found to connect – zoom meetings, Facebook groups, online classes and such, and in fact, I’ve actually had way more phone and text conversations and social media interactions this week while in quarantine than I have probably had in the last several months combined. We can do all of these things and all of these things can help. But there’s certainly a different energy to being together in person than seeing or communicating to each other through a screen. There’s a part of us that needs that connection – that human touch, looking into someone’s eyes, hearing their laughter in person. Being physically close.
Yesterday, as I went to gather the items I would need for the next week or so, I noticed how different the world seemed. In the grocery store, people wouldn’t get too close to each other. It was a weird feeling of are we all protecting each other by maintaining social distancing or are we all afraid the other could possibly be the enemy? I ran into a friend’s mother and as she told me some difficult news she began to cry. I wanted so badly to hug her, but because I was afraid if I was unknowingly infected I could infect her, all I could do was stand from a distance and watch her. It went against everything that was my normal to do. And interestingly, not once, but twice yesterday as I shopped, an older man gave me a little jab in my left arm. I found it was almost like some were maintaining more boundaries than were needed, while others were reacting in almost defiance like ways, purposely touching others they would not ever normally touch. And this was day one of “shelter at home.”
The tides are certainly changing. So, what on Earth do we do now? We have no choice but to create a new normal. We have no idea just how long this virus and these restrictions will last. We do not know when we will be able to touch each other again, when we will be able to see each other in person again, or when life will have some semblance of what we were used to again.
What I developed during this past week on a deeper level than I ever even thought was possible was gratitude. While I have always felt I was grateful for the little and the big things in life, I did not know that the level I reached this week was even possible. For when what we love and appreciate is suddenly taken from us, we can see on an even deeper level just how much we loved and appreciated it.
Undeniably, when we are left without our usual distractions, we are left with ourselves. Deep feelings from within will rise to the surface. Pain we have been holding onto will be felt. Tears may be shed. Memories may arise. Laughter might be had, albeit alone, as we reflect on past moments. Emotions that we did not even know we had lying dormant within will come to life. When I work with people one-on-one in my office, we often focus on these hidden emotions, bringing them up and out so they can be released for good.
This brings me to my advice to you at this time: let it all come up and find its way out. As we are sitting in our homes to be sheltered from the storm outside, we may also be finding that there’s a storm brewing inside. Let it brew. Let it out. Let everything you might have been ignoring or denying for so many years come up now so that you can let it go, for good.
Let’s make use of this time apart to heal ourselves. Let’s, when we come back together again, come back together as better versions of ourselves. Let’s leave our insecurities, our fears, our doubts, our worries, our irrational thoughts and behaviors behind with this virus. Let’s shed whatever we have been carrying around and ignoring for so long. Let’s just let everything go. Let’s make the best use of this time that we can.
Let's create a new normal - one that when we join together again in the physical world, we come as our whole selves. We come sharing all that we have learned and grown from in this quarantine. Let’s not stay stuck in our old ways. Let’s overcome; let’s rise above. Let’s look at this time as an opportunity to change them. As we roll with the changing tides, let’s let them wash away everything we no longer needed anyway.
Taken on March 20, 2020, in Ocean City, New Jersey
This is what I’ll be doing with this quarantine. If you’d like some help in doing this too, please reach out. I am happy to help in the best way that I can from a distance.
When we emerge from this “shelter at home” phase of life, let’s be able to spread our wings and fly. We can, if we believe we can.
Love always, Erica