Have you been hiding in the spiritual closet for a while?
Or have you just started diving into all things spiritual and you aren’t sure how to talk to others about it?
I’m going to cover some of the barriers I faced when it came to my coming out of the spiritual closet at the beginning of my awakening journey and go over six steps you need to know so that you too can come out of the closet. (I promise, it’s way more enjoyable outside of it)!
First, let’s talk about what this closet even is. If you’re into spiritual stuff like astrology, crystals, energy healing, meditation, or any other of the hundreds of topics that exist within this realm and you haven’t had a conversation with anyone you know *in real life* about them, or you’ve chosen to only discuss it with a few hand selected people, then you’re living in the spiritual closet.
This is fine if that’s how you want to be living your life. However, when we get excited about something, usually the first thing we want to do is share that excitement with others. It’s part of human nature. We also usually want to find other people who are interested in what we’re interested in so we can have people to talk to about all the cool stuff we’re learning and experiencing every day.
In short: we naturally want to be surrounded by people like ourselves.
And: you can’t do that if you’re hiding in the closet.
Also: you can’t share your gifts (your authentic self) with others if you don’t share with them who you really are.
Read: you can’t help anyone, most especially, yourself.
All of the benefits of coming out of the spiritual closet are really great. So then why is it so hard for people to do? And what keeps them hiding in the closet?
While I can’t answer for everyone, I can answer to what barriers came up for me as I journeyed through this experience and what I often see with clients who are still hiding out.
Here it goes:
1. Fear of Rejection. At the time I thought, “What if I come out of the spiritual closet and everyone I know rejects me? What if I share some of these deeper parts of my most authentic self and it is too much for people? How will I be able to continue on in my life when everyone rejects me and doesn’t understand me and no longer wants to be around me!?”
Whoa.
These were the fears I struggled with. At the time of my “awakening,” I had lots of friends and family. I had a good life. I had pretty good relationships with others. I was afraid that if I started to tell people who I really am (as I was in the process of learning so much more about myself than I ever had before) and they rejected me, would I end up rejecting my own self? I was cultivating a brand new me that wasn’t really new but had always been somewhere inside (and I just hadn’t found her yet) and I was really excited (and simultaneously terrified) by this new version of myself. But I certainly didn’t want people rejecting her and then me following suit and doing the same.
Truth: Maybe some people will reject you, but if so, those aren’t your people. When you step into living life from the space of your most authentic self, your energy shifts so much and attracts more people to you rather than repels. With eight billion people living in this world, some of them are going to reject you, but a whole bunch won’t. Those are your people. (More on this subject later).
2. Fear of being alone. This fear is a carry-over from the fear of rejection but still deserves its own place in the lineup.
Basically, I thought that after everyone rejected me, I would end up all alone. And that is not how I wanted to live my life (and I’d guess how you also don’t want to live).
What if, after putting myself totally out there, everyone left me in the dust? What if they marked me as the girl that “went off the deep end” or sat around having conversations about me like, “Remember Erica before she went crazy?” What if no one ever wanted to date me again? The fear of being alone because I shared my true self with the world was a huge fear to push past.
Truth: Just like the fear of rejection, it also wasn’t really real. I’ll remind you again that with eight billion people on this planet, there’s surely someone else out there who will get you, want to be around you, will date you, be friends with you, love you, and want to hear you tell your tales of your wild adventures in the ethers. If you don’t see those people around you just yet, it’s probably because you haven’t vibrationally aligned with them because right now you’re still hiding in the space of “Crystals? What are those?” while you have a growing collection on your nightstand.
I feel you. But this fear, just like any other fear, also wasn’t real for me and it won’t be real for you either. As I slowly expanded learning who I truly was and sharing that version of myself with the world I began to meet lots of other people who were into the same things. And instead of being alone, I grew a larger circle. (More on how you can do the same later).
3. Fear of judgement. The above two fears naturally tie into this fear: the fear of being judged. If I came out of the spiritual closet and shared who I truly was with people, what would they say about me? What mean things would they say behind my back? What would they think?
Truth: If people are going to judge you, they are going to judge you. You don’t even have to give them a reason to judge you, it is just something they’ll do all on their own! People who judge others always find a reason to do so and so this whole entire fear is again, basically, not real. You can stay in the closet and they’ll judge you for something else anyway, so you might as well come on out of it and be happier being the authentic you in the world.
And: who cares what people think? Again, eight billion. At least a handful of them are going to vibe with you. I promise.
4. Fear of truly owning who you are. There was this space during this coming out process that I found myself in that I thought if I fessed up to the world that I was intuitive (side note: everyone is, and here’s a brief video where I talk about that) that I would then be obligated to share myself in that way for the rest of my life. For a self-professed commitment phobe, this was a terrifying prospect.
For starters, it meant that once I admitted to my new way of life, I might be locked into it forever. The thought of coming out of the spiritual closet and then trying to run back into it didn’t play out well in my head. What would I say? “Oh, haha, oh yeah that, oh no I was just kidding. I don’t talk to dead people.” It wasn’t exactly something I could rescind as easily as my hair color or a dietary change. It was bigger than that. Also, if I told everyone I could do it, would they then be asking me to do it for them all the time? Would I be spending the rest of my life trying to connect with everyone’s dead grandmother? The thought was a little creepy to my then-newbie spiritual self.
It also meant that I would probably feel obligated to use this “gift” (second plug for my video that debunks intuitive abilities as a gift) for the rest of my life. I mean, if I could do this stuff, doesn’t that mean I should do it?
And: owning who I truly am meant I would have to live in that space, every day. This was pretty terrifying for a girl who had spent a lot of her life not entirely sure who she really was or what the hell she was doing here. It meant that she was committing to something (yikes) and it was something big: herself.
Truth: (In two parts)
Part one: You are under no obligation to use any ability you have to serve anyone, ever, unless your little heart desires to do so. I also happen to be a really great cook and an amazing gluten free baker, but by no means am I cooking and baking for all of South Jersey (where I’m presently living). I pretty much only do enough of those two things for myself and my own family, and then really even not as much as I could. Your talents, your abilities, your (dare I say it) “gifts” are precisely that: YOURS. And guess who gets to decide if and when you use them? You do. And only you. Always. Never forget that.
Part two: Committing to yourself is one of the biggest, bravest, most glorious acts of self-love one can think of and while I will not sugar coat it and pretend it is easy peasy, I will say that it is literally one of the greatest gifts that you can give to yourself and until you do it you truly cannot even comprehend how marvelous it is.
This leads me to another piece of advice: Come out of the closet already. Do it now. Do it before you change your mind and go racing back into it, hiding underneath your special tablecloth you reserve only for tarot card readings and your newly arrived box of witchy ritual paraphernalia. Do it sooner rather than later because by doing so you literally force yourself into this space of commitment to you.
By doing so, you take away one of the fears I didn’t even address: the fear of “right timing.” By owning who you are you will propel yourself forward into the space you truly want to be living from because lets.be.for.real. You love the spiritual stuff and you want to shout it from the roof tops but you don’t want your neighbors to call the cops and have you committed so instead you quietly live the life of a spiritual seeker without the support, acceptance, and love you’ll receive not just from the community you find or cultivate but also from your own damn self.
I’m so glad you’re ready to come out of the closet now.
Fortunately, I have some tips for your newest adventure!
Six Things You Need to Know When Coming Out of the Spiritual Closet
One: Build internal strength and accept yourself. I think it mostly goes without saying that if you don’t accept you, it will be awfully hard to find others that accept you. We are energetic beings that have this unique way of interacting with the world that ensures that whatever our belief system is, it will be supported. So, if you don’t accept yourself, you’ll likely attract back to you a lot of lack of acceptance from others. The way to change this, change yourself, and change your entire experience of life is by fully accepting yourself.
This is a serious act of self-love and it can’t be conquered overnight but it can be acted upon with daily attention and it will grow exponentially. You’ll also get a lot more acceptance from the outside world and meet others who are vibrating in the same space as you. And that, my friend, is so valuable.
Accepting yourself will also help build your internal strength so that you, just like a tree with deep, thick roots, won’t be uprooted at the first gust of wind. Engaging with the world from a space of self-acceptance and internal strength is a game changer.
How to do this: start by being really gentle with yourself. If you find yourself speaking negatively to yourself in your head, catch those words or phrases and replace them with something more positive. In essence: speak to yourself like you’d speak to a small child you love. Work on being unconditionally loving to yourself. Allow things people say to pass you by instead of internalizing them. Work on this constantly.
Two: Start slow. If you’ve literally not spoken to one single person about your spiritual endeavors, discoveries, gifts, abilities, etc., it is time to begin by telling a few people. The benefit of telling a few people first is that any triggers that arise during this process can be worked through so that as you expand your reach you won’t find yourself triggered every 36 seconds of the day. With each new experience of sharing this newer version of you, notice what arises for you and what makes you feel uncomfortable. Figure out what it is poking at within you, do the work to release it, and then keep it moving. This will be loads helpful when you come across people who say the same sorts of things to you later and you have zero emotional reaction to it. (My signature program, Four Weeks to Freedom, helps you understand and go through this process of learning from your emotions. Read more about it here).
Three: Understand that people won’t understand. Not everyone is going to get excited about the cool new stuff you’re learning or the things you’re discovering about yourself and they may not even want to hear about it. They may also tell you that you’re wrong. They might call you crazy. They might say that what you’re doing is not okay. They might make fun of you. They may not ever understand you. This is okay. When it comes to belief systems, people tend to hold onto their personal belief system for dear life. It is much easier for a person to dismiss you, another human being, then it is for a person to dismiss their entire belief system. The faster you can get yourself cool with that, the better, because it will happen to you again and again. Just know that they aren’t truly dismissing you, they are just dismissing the belief system you’re now operating under, and that to accept yours means they might have to rethink theirs, and unless they are ready for that, it ain’t gonna happen. You can still love them anyway, and still spend time with them anyway, but don’t try to force them to see things your way or change who they fundamentally are to meet you where you’re now living. If they want to come along for the ride with you, they will, eventually. Just let them do it in their own time.
Four: Find your tribe. This journey is gonna be a heck of a lot easier if you have some peeps to ride it out with you. Finding other people that are into the same stuff, think the same way, and have cool information and experiences to share with you and who want to hear about what you’re doing and learning are invaluable. As human beings, we naturally crave community, connection, and intimacy. Once you come out of the spiritual closet you open up the door to a whole new world of people who are already doing the same stuff as you (possibly in their own closet too!) and are looking for that sense of connection as well.
If you live in a metropolitan area it is usually much easier to find people in person but thanks to this beautiful invention of technology (which happens to be allowing me to draft this whole blog post while I’m on a plane, 30,000 feet up in the air, thank you very much) you can connect to people just like you within minutes thanks to the internet! Social media, websites, membership sites, and all sorts of other places exist where like-minded humans congregate, share their thoughts and feelings, and open up the door to deeper connection. In fact, I host a free Facebook group for this very thing! You can join it here.
Five: Be unapologetically you. Please, don’t apologize for this new version of yourself. Have confidence in who you are now and who you are becoming. Show up as your authentic self every single day and don’t apologize for it. That’s like apologizing for having green eyes. It is a part of you, your identity, who you truly are, and there is no reason you should apologize for being you, ever. So just don’t do it. Thank you.
Six: Share if you want to share. Do you want to set up shop and start selling healing crystals and spell candles? Please do. Do you want to learn the art of Tai Chi and teach it to senior citizens? Get to it. Do you want to train in Reiki and start your own business? Make it happen. (Lucky you, I teach Reiki. Read more about my certification programs by clicking here). If you want to share all you need to do is find some people who want you to share who you are and what you do with them!
This crazy world we are living in totally needs more people who are passionate and excited about who they are and what they do. The energy that is created from this space – this space of excitement, of joy, of passion – is some of the most potent energy that exists and the ripple effect of it is massive.
A few tips:
When it comes to sharing information with or creating experiences for others, do your very best not to compare yourself to the person who has been in the game for ten plus years and knows and does way more than you. Instead, compare yourself to your old self. Would the Erica from five years ago know anything at all about teaching yin yoga? Nope. She had only done it a handful of times. This Erica now has a certification in it and does it on the reg. Could this version of Erica teach the old version of Erica? You betcha.
There will always be people ahead of you and there will always be people behind you. You can teach anyone who is interested in what you have to offer, or if your offer is experiential, you can share that experience with anyone who is interested.
Sharing from a space of excitement and love helps others and it helps you. By sharing who you are with the world, you give others permission to do the same. And quite frankly, I can’t think of anything more wonderful than a world full of people living lives that they absolutely love and sharing their positive, excited, joyful energy with others.
Can you?
If you enjoyed this blog, check out the accompanying YouTube video on the same topic, but with an animated twist and more personal stories from Erica’s experience finding her true self, coming out of the spiritual closet, and leading others to do the same.
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Hi, I’m Erica
As a Yoga Instructor, Reiki Master, and Intuitive, I’ve come to experience the world in a very different way. I am a lover of all things energy! I believe, more than anything, that energy affects everything. I’m here to help you shift your energy and change your life!